Break Away Break Through Break Free

Being a leader is not easy.
Some people get to lead because they've lobbied over time for a title or a position. Some people get there because they have a skill, they've served many years, or they own the company. But this doesn't make them a good leader.

Many confuse managing with leading.
"If I follow a system or a process, I'm a leader. If things don't change, it things don't go wrong, I'll be okay. Just make sure people in my team don't give trouble. Keep everything safe and my position will be secure."

They think, "I'm the leader so you'd better listen to what I say. Or else!" They spare no time thinking --- What type of person must I be so that others will have confidence in me, respect me? What kind of behavior must I demonstrate so that I will inspire confidence, camaraderie, cohesion?

So off they go, banging around. They go about - unaware of how they leave a wake of confusion, often fear behind them.

How does a (real) leader handle conflict? Do they ignore it and hope it will go away? What's the job of a leader anyway? What's the ultimate desired outcome? How many actually think about what results they must produce (other than fame, popularity, further promotion and other "tribal" attractions)

One of the fundamental roles of a leader is to turn a group into a team... a collection of individuals, into a top - performing whole made up of one unit. Cohesion. What skill is required for this?

I'm guessing the 1st thing is to get off the fact that leadership is about the leader. It's got to be about the people one is leading.

Not a popular thing to do, but a leader must hold people accountable. A leader must hold the vision and keep the integrity up, giving just enough wiggle room for creativity but not enough that people go all "individual." After all, people need guidance. We need feedback. We need to be told, "Hey, you're doing great," or, "Listen, if you need to get that done quicker, how could you do it?" Leaving people alone to fix themselves is a no-no. Take that up a notch and you'll notice how great leaders confront what's not right. They don't allow disagreements or conflicts among team members to fester. They will never tolerate lowered productivity because of lack of courage to assert their values and principles about how things should be run --- for the good of everybody.

Good leaders do not practice favoritism or cronyism. Friendship is different and it does not get in the way.

If you recognize yourself in any of these situations, what will you do to bring improvement to them? How could you meta-state a negative emotion or concept or belief so that a more positive outcome could occur?

For example, disagreements could be meta-stated with respect, tolerance and understanding, patience etc. Meditate on peace and progress. The insights would be invaluable. Then share your thoughts with your team.

Women Grow Up - We need all hands on Board.

Woman... No I'm generalizing.
Housewife... Are you tired of being treated as if you were dumb and ditzy?
You feel people (even family) don't trust you with stuff --- like renewing insurance policies, proof-reading contracts (even though you have an MBA), redemption of frequent flyer miles, or credit card points.

Ever wonder why there's so much friction, disagreement, conflict, and confusion in your life, in your home, even over little things? Do you sense that even people close to you question your capability or resourcefulness? Do they believe you're a safe pair of hands?

They might see you as a great "cheerleader" --- good at shouting out "Woo Hoo!" or cleaning up the poop at home. But somehow that's where it ends. For "real" work, people always go (husband especially) to someone they perceive as more reliable, more dependable, more effective. And less emotional! Can you blame them?

I know I'm a woman and I should be sticking up for us girls. Actually I am. I'm asking us to cut the BS and grow up. I'm asking us to stop blaming others for what we don't have. I'm asking us to remember who we are, take our power back, and save ourselves. We're meant to be queens not slaves.

Harsh? Perhaps. But girls, we gotta get real. We must work to stay relevant. Especially us past 40. Often we're the ones who don't understand new technology - cyber rules, the new workplace. Our men need a new brand of woman.

I was signing up at the reception table of a big party last weekend and the ladies at the counter were whispering to each other. They were gossiping. You could tell. I handed in my ticket, gave them my money, signed my name in the book and walked into the ballroom. 5 minutes later one of the ushers summoned me back out to the reception table and asked me for my name and money. She did so in the most unfriendly manner possible.
Reception = Welcome. Happy you came. I'm here to help. To receive you.
Right? Apparently not.


Question: Why are women often perceived as "less than?" The weaker sex? Ouch, for someone working to support women's development, that incident hurt me deeply. Who's standing in the way of that lady's happiness? She, herself of course.

Not long ago I met a woman who proudly told me she knew nothing about her family's property and her husband's business. "I'm a lady of leisure," she announced.

Happy for you, I thought. So what you do and your husband talk about apart from the children and the maids? How well do you think you're supporting his needs? Sure you may be one of those "obedient wives" - a whore in bed, a whizz in the kitchen, and a self - sacrificing mother, but what about a partner and companion to a man who could be so pregnant with possibility that all he needs is the right woman to help him give birth to amazing, magnificent innovations that could change the world?

I met her husband. The man couldn't have looked more bored beside her.

Girls, wake up. We have work to do. Our purpose is to save the planet. We are here to raise a new generation of humans --- the kind that is more gentle more kind more loving. Women, wake up from being little girls. We need all hands on board.

Simply Genius

I skip off to the hospital to meet Prof Hock Lim Tan, Distinguished Professor MBBS MD FRACS FRCS. We were going to film him in the OT performing "keyhole" surgery to remove a child's ovaries and a kidney.

I'm excited! And slightly worried. OTs and I don't get on that well. All that bloody red stuff, you know. Here's hoping I behave.

The crew and I arrive. I can't help thinking I'm slightly overdressed for the part. Everyone else is wearing a frown and hunched either in pain or worry. We are taken upstairs and shown the changing rooms. "Get out of your togs and into scrubs. Here's a cap and face mask while you're at it."

Ok. My turn to wear the frown. It disappears the moment the Prof swings into the lobby. He pulls down his mask and says, "See you in the OT in a few minutes."

Lights. Camera. Action.
There are about a dozen people in there. The patient has a camera stuck down her belly button and the images come up on 3 screens. I can see the child's abdominal cavity ~ the Professor points out the reproductive organs ~ fallopian tubes, ovaries, womb. I can see blood vessels throbbing. Biology come to life. Amazing!

Suddenly the room goes green. My crew and I look at each other. I ask Prof and he says the green light supports vision and helps the medical team see better. Like a war zone, he explains.

The surgeons puncture several little holes for their equipment to be inserted.
Professor singles out the section of the ovary where the incision is to be made and clamps it with his left hand, while with his right, he uses a laser cutter to detach the ovary. 3 snips and it's done.
Hmmm. So these guys are ambidextrous.

All that while talking his team through the procedure. There's the 2nd surgeon on standby to do the other ovary, there's the anaesthetist, there are observers (student doctors I think) from Thailand and Indonesia and about 3-4 nurses. Prof's MO is there too. Pint high but deep voice. Wise. Authoritative. Immediately I warmed to her.

As he hands over to his assistant to take over, Prof says this is one of his easier cases. Laparoscopic surgery is now being done for many other complicated things like open heart surgery, duodenal atresia, and pancreatectomy.

Leaving the OT, I felt a combination of emotion. Firstly relieved for being fit and healthy, then immensely lucky for having been invited to witness innovation in medical science, and grateful for being able to tell my story.

I'll be posting my video of this amazing op on my website soon. So watch this space!

I'm not in sales!

Met a senior lawyer awhile ago who absolutely balked at the idea that he had to promote himself to get clients. "If we're good, people would just show up," he said. "Ugh. To think I'd have to pitch myself against the competition. How vile and common is that!"

That's fine if one is retiring age and has a string of wins under one's belt. Not to mention being senior partner at one of the most reputable law firms in town.

What if you were just starting out and more focused on honing your skills in your trade rather than on making yourself stand out for what you were good at? How then would people begin to know what you were capable of?

Many professionals I know resolutely refuse to "sell" themselves. They continue to pick up certificate after certificate, put in hundreds of hours of study, but not to reach out and extend themselves to their "public." Why? Pride, maybe. "I don't do sales. I'm not in marketing. You mean I have to make cold calls ~ be like a car salesman?" they snap as they turn up their nose in judgment and disgust.

Or what, I ask. Remain the best kept secret in town, confusing humility with poverty? They choose to wear their "un-success" like a badge of honor, and all the while, failing to shine bright in their skill and talent. By so doing, depriving so many of their magic.

That's real selfishness, I think. That's confusing humility with ego; because the ego-mind thinks they must keep themselves small and insignificant and not put themselves up and out there in the fore-front of people's minds ~ because that would be calling too much attention to themselves.

It's the perfect excuse to take the easy way out I say. I say that's the best "cop out" strategy. Say nothing, do nothing, be nothing. Go easy. Go safe. Go hide.

For who are we to shine, we think? There must be others more magnificent that ourselves? And so we go, withholding our magic, when we could be sprinkling our "fairy dust" over people and spreading joy, wonder, and love.

How are you holding yourself back today? Why not decide to go out there and shine? Why not choose to live your miracle and demonstrate your magic?

When you're bullied, harrassed, and treated as second class

"I think this letter should be simplified. It's too long and complicated."

Ok. Thanks for your feedback. I've read through it and wonder if you would point out exactly where you think it should be shortened, and what should be deleted. A quick draft from you would be helpful.

"I don't have time for that. I just think it should be one page.
If you say a word more, I shall have you thumped for your insolence. How dare you talk back at me!"
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Talent: I wonder if you had any idea how to make the show
more interesting?
Manager:I think it could be "less heavy." Make it fun.
Talent: Right. Should we talk about that sometime as there's a structure I must follow? I had several ideas
A week later...
Manager:You're fired. We don't really have the show we want.
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When you work at something, and especially if you're a volunteer, who isn't compensated for your contribution but give your time freely and willingly, the idea is to support one another because you share a cause. But no. Egos are ever-ready to pounce when separation is threatened. Ego loves exclusiveness, loftiness. Ego is holier-than-thou and wants to prove its specialness. Combination, cooperation, cohesiveness, collaboration seems almost too threatening to its survival.

So the minute it's confronted, it goes into protection mode. "How DARE you!" "Who are you to say that to ME??? Dont you know who I am???"

Watch out for your dragons. The shadow side that runs wild and free. When the beasts escape be prepared to be embarrassed. For who would you wish people to see ~ you or your ego?
Funnily the shadow exposes you ~ your dark side speaks so loud that no words can raise you above the murky mists of your inner black box. Only embracing the truth could set you free.
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Why don't bosses have the courtesy and the courage to communicate with us the truth? Why must they soft-pedal and pussy-foot around with our careers? Why do they give us the wrong impression when actually the opposite is true? To avoid confrontation? To cover their backs? To stay popular while they're at their covert operations of shutting you up and shutting you down?

If you stand by your principles... if authenticity and forthrightness is a high value to you, then one can expect to be disillusioned by hypocrisy, feigned loyalty, and double standards. But then the savvy among us would just set as an expectation, the said situations and add this to the cost of "doing business in life." Or shall we speak up?

For far too long, we have been tolerant and docile and submissive. We've turned our face away when our sisters were molested, we've been not-so-innocent bystanders while there was harassment and bullying going on in the workplace. For how long more should we remain silent?

In honour of the spirit in each person, to salute the soul in each other, will you not act for fairness, and justice, and speak up in truth?

International Women's Day

No matter that my self-esteem is 100% intact... I still get frazzled at people's insensitivity and mindlessness when they comment on my appearance.

What gets to me more than just denting my ego (girls all think we're pretty) is how easily, casually, people pre-judge by outer appearances. We apply labels without thinking what consequence we might cause to those involved.

Looking me up and down, from head to toe, they say, "Big lady" or "Oversized" or "Well-preserved." As if they have any right to comment, taking note of their own attributes ~ which are always sadly lacking! So disappointing. If I must be looked over, at least let it be by a hunk. Ah well, consolation is I am never overlooked.

Like they say: Always easy to see the splinter in someone else's eye or find fault in others. Harder to notice the log in your own.

The point being? I'm making a case for women. Women everywhere are always putting ourselves down, ever-ready to believe we are less than... men. It seems we've been raised, nurtured, cultured to be No2, subservient, agreeable. Even when it doesn't serve us.

The comments that I mentioned? All from men. It seems men have carte blanche ~ they can comment on how we look, look at us as if we were things they could rate on their terms. Well, the good news is... not anymore. Not if we put a stop to it. Not if we take our power back.

Women aren't just about how we look and what we have. We are about who we are. And who we are is often much bigger, better, grander, stronger, more magnificent then our male counterparts.

True. All true. If only we'd remember where we came from, who we are and what we're made of.
This March I dedicate all my effort and energy towards raising awareness for women and our sacrifices. The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.

Real Leadership or Dictatorship?

Another word for politics is self - preservation. Or self - interest.
This weekend I was not only observer to a crash course of this, but I was at the centre of it!

I had joined as a member of a coaching community, only they had failed to inform me that I could never lead it because I didn't come from the same training school they were from. In other words, I was a member without "teeth;" someone with my voice taken away from me, a player who had had her mind paralyzed, unless my thoughts echoed their thoughts.

Mmmm... membership without privileges.
"Oh please stay. We want you with us. You are special." Yeah Yeah. If I stayed, would that make everyone else special too, or just me? What did "special" mean anyway?

Whoa! This was getting wierd. Step back. Step back and think about what's being done here.
Let me see... There's discrimination against other schools of training, other schools of thought. There's protectionism; they're wedging separation, exclusivity between themselves and others. There's labeling: Us = OK. You = Not OK.
Oh but come and play with us, they insist.

I remember someone saying: If you are not with us, you are against us. Wonder who said that and what the aftermath was.

Control is born of... fear. When one is in that type of environment one immediately feels stuck, limited, tense, rigid, tied down. Why do leaders impose control? Fear... of truth, of people being equal and empowered and enabled. What's wrong with that? Back to square one. Self - interest. Self - preservation.

Ahhh... but for how long can a man control another man? How well can you keep someone in chains before something happens that will cause the chains to break and he to breakaway?
For the natural "chain" of events must lead to self-direction, control of one's personal choices, and freedom of expression.

No fear on my part. No need to struggle. Spirit will take care of life.