My anger scares me. I want to always remain calm. I wish I were Gandhi or Mother Theresa but I'm not. I'm just an ordinary person doing her honest best everyday. Some days I do well and other days, I'm awful.
I've thought a lot about what triggers my anger - what happens that makes me access the emotion of... It usually begins with irritation, then frustration, before it escalates and turns into anger, and if not controlled just then, full - blown rage. When that happens, I'm horrified at myself. It's as if some "thing" possesses me and I lose control.
Excuse? I've spent hours and days analyzing. What I've come up with is this. My anger is driven by my sense of fairness. My sense of law and order in the world, in the justice systems, my principles, sense of ethics and morality, my values - authenticity, honesty, contribution... these are the main drivers. Oh and faith in the human race. We are so much better than this, so why why why?
How could I standby and watch without participating - when the weak, timid, poor, and less educated are blatantly bullied or taken advantage of? Would you have me turn the other cheek when power and authority renders the helpless more helpless? We are not just statistics.
I especially balk when "fake" people connive to fool you into believing they are your friends and then stab you in the back or muddy your name. To me, these are the cowards who cannot stand up and fight fair and square. So their attack is covert, cunning, devious, treacherous, stealthy, insidious, wicked.
When institutions dictate, when danger threatens people you love, would you rather I stepped aside and minded my own business? Hell No! With every fibre in my being I scream NO NO NO.
You judge me? Anger is ugly. Yes it is. I don't disagree. I'm working everyday to get closer to the path of peace. I will do it. I know I can. But meantime, my anger serves me.
Read the paper lately? Child rape. Incest. Abduction of little girls. Sexual harassment in the workplace. White collar crime. Corruption. Breach of Trust. Slander. Gossip. Talking down. Forcing personal opinion onto others. Denying freedom of choice. Withholding basic human rights. Torturing animals.
You think anger is a bad thing? At least it's honest. You try dealing with the passive agressives. You go figure who's on the covert operations beat. Good luck to you.
Before you condemn an angry person know this. It's all contextual. And at the back of anger is hurt. It hurts me that humans would do such horrendous things to other humans. Animals kill for food. It's us humans who will annihilate the human race. We can watch and do nothing, or we can say, "Stop. Hell NO!"