The Size of Your World is the Depth of Your Consciousness

Monday, June 7, 2010

How crazy does crazy get?

I'm not going to fool you. Life isn't always peaches and cream. These past few days have been particularly rotten for me. You think, "Oh I'd know how to handle it," but when it happens, you go down kicking and screaming like the rest.

What could I have done differently? Ahh... isn't hindsight and self - righteous preaching the easiest thing? It's so much easier to criticize than to create.

I want to stay calm. Yes, dignified and well - schooled is how I want to be. Then those idiots push your buttons and "Bam!" you lose it. It's that easy.

How much do you want to be right and how much do you want to be happy? How generous can you be, how forgiving, how giving? Suddenly it makes sense to be blind, deaf, and dumb. Suddenly it's good that you've forgotten how to count. Live and let live. Go with the flow. He ain't heavy, he's my brother. We are faa-mell-lee!

Only it's not tha-aat easy. When the shit hits the fan, it's all you can do to keep from turning into the incredible hulk.

Then you breathe... count 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6... breathe and count some more.
Call your name. Count sheep. Say Hail Marys. Do your damn - dest so you slink back into your

So... I shit you not, my friends and neighbors. I struggle like all of you, perhaps harder than most of you. All I can say to redeem myself in your eyes is that I work really hard to overcome. And when I know I've reached the point where I can no longer go; that point beyond myself; that's when I close my eyes and surrender to that which is greater than myself. I let go, and let God. I ask Spirit to lift me to that higher place, that place I have not the strength nor capacity to reach by my sorry Self. And then I wait. And then it comes. And then, standing on shoulders of giants, I can see forever...

Bring crazy on. I am something bigger than crazy!

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